Hi,

Been quite some time since I wrote anything here. Growing up is difficult as it is and there are more challenges as your friends around you grow up too at the same time.

Today was a quiet day after such a exhausting week. Mom made teriyaki beef jerkies and I had them for lunch, dinner ,and still chewing. *lol* To prepare your own jerkies..here is the recipe...use teriyaki sauce. jk. I dont know how to do it. As far as I am concerned, mom cooks and I eat.

I learned a lot this week about growing up, friendship and about speaking your thoughts. I had someone whom I thought was a friend and I realized how exhausting it has been all these years just trying to maintain my cool and be patient. I try to be a good friend so hard, being understanding and all and also trying to accept her as she is. Believe me it has been tough. One thing about her is that she is very needy and seeks attention all the time. That itself is like a job. And at 13 years old, it's a big deal. She can be very mean sometimes- constantly driving me nuts. Everytime I have something new on, that my mom bought me, like a pair of new shoes or jeans or sweatshirt, you'll find this supposedly friend of mine doing something like..kicking mud around me..grabbing a bunch of grass with mud on the roots and flinging it at me, drawing on my clothes..believe it or not..actually draw on my clothes with a pen.That's something that I don't think that you could even do accidentally.My family isn't exactly one that has a money tree in their backyard, so I basically treasure my personal belongings.
She also lies.... a lot. At times I hear her tell her mom about the day's happenings when I am around, with exagerrated details. She is always the victim and always the devastated one. I feel myself withdrawing from her and feeling uncomfortable around her. The thing is she can be a very sweet person when she wants to. This is a person with major mood swings..a happy person one sec and a really mean one the next. She acts like this only with me. Maybe there are other friends too whom share this with me..but I do not know who they are. Perhaps I have become her co-dependent..meaning I allow her to act like that with me. Things happened between us that made me feel really uncomfortable around her. And I tried my best to stay away from her. It's tough because she has been around for years and many of the girls I hang out with hang out with her too. Making it difficult for me to stay away from her, without being rude to my other friends, a hard task.

When things got too much for me..things that happened at sleepovers that I am not used to..and incidents in the PE locker room, I moved my locker away from hers. My other friends asked the reason why and I told them I was just feeling uncomfortable around her and shared with them what happened. I trusted those friends that what I told them was my feelings and my concerns.

I learned that people like to gossip. And when gossip went from one person to another, it changed facts and rumours started going around. Rumours that were supposedly started by me. The truth is, it was far from what I have shared with my friends in confidence. Then things started happening and there were outbursts and heroines appearing out of nowhere. They became unappointed defenders. With the knowledge of a seventh grader, I don't think you can be an attorney, if you dont know the case. It would be like trying to find something in the dark.

The truth is, I am so mentally and emotionally abused by this person and because I value the friendship we have, I swallowed everthing until this incident happened.I should not have bottled it up and not think about her and disregarded my feelings. Because in doing that, I have allowed her to manipulate me.

I feel like I grew older in a week...but I found out a lot of things about myself..who my friends are...and how I should always be me and charity begins at home - meaning I have to think about me as well.

In the end, my friend will always be who she is...I cant change that and I don't want to. I think the best thing for me keep away from her. All the trouble that I have been through is just not worth it. She will always be the dramatic and attention seeking person. I dont have the patience to go through these things again and will focus on other things in my life that will make me a better person inside, and build on my career and focus on my studies.

So..I will be recording at our home studio and and hope to participate in Star Search. I will learning how to play my guitar and maintain my 4.0 GPAs in school. The election is coming up soon and I will be running for President..just like at Green Oaks. Elections holds very special memories for me because this supposedly friend of mine tried her piece on me then, so I would change my mind on running for the same position as her. Recalling what happened, things started changing between us when I didnt listen to her and ran for Vice-President in 5th Grade and then President in 6th.

I am happier with myself today. I apologised to her yesterday because I never intended to hurt her in any way. I have to take care of myself and what happened was not within my control. I was only trying to get out of feeling uncomfortable and just keeping away from her. She is not a friend, and with her announcing all the time that she is my best friend...I am not. How can she be? Would you have someone like this who treats you this way as your best friend ????

I hope you all never have to go through something like this with one of your friends, but if you do. Remember that if you don't feel comfortable around them, try to sort it out,and if you can't. Find the courage and quick-thinking to move on. I hope you all have a good night.

Zara